Expectant and Ready

Yesterday afternoon as I was working, hunger pains hit every fiber of my body in an instant.  Literally, one minute, I was focused on the tasks at hand and the next I was overcome by hunger.  As I looked at the clock, I realized it was three in the afternoon and my body was ready for fuel.  It was pouring rain, so driving somewhere was out of the question; therefore, I quickly ordered pizza to be delivered.  As I worked and waited for the pizza to arrive, minutes felt like hours.

I was working at a warehouse that was not marked well from the street, thus I knew I needed to keep an eye out for the driver.  I ran outside every couple of minutes looking back and forth from side to side, thinking surely, they will be here soon.  I lost count of how many times I ran from the table where I was working to outside in the rain, expectantly and eagerly looking for the pizza driver.  I was confident they would arrive, I just didn’t know when.

As I was standing in the rain desperately searching for this driver, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, this is how I want you to look for Me.  Of course, I tried to rationalize with Him, I do look for You.  He, gently spoke, not with this eagerness.  As I marinated on this thought the rest of the afternoon and until today, it hit me.  I don’t look for Him with that sense of urgency.  Setting my heart towards Him in the morning is something I have become to long for, but once the stress hits of the day, honestly, I don’t search for Him.  I don’t search eagerly to hear Him, to see Him.  Instead, I let the distractions of stress from work, from frustrating circumstances, from the messiness of life to be my focus.  I’ve got a to do list a mile long and I can’t stop to search for Him, I’ve got too much to do.  Really Sheryl?  That is the conversation I had with myself as blinders were removed from my heart and eyes and I begin to understand.

He longs for me to eagerly search for Him.  He longs for me to live in obedience to Him.  But how can I live in obedience to Him, if I am focused on so many things other than Him?  How can I possibly hear Him, if I instead fill my life with the noise of circumstances, to do lists, demands, hurts, and bitterness.  My list could go on and on.  My prayer today is that I would be like Habakkuk.  Habakkuk 2:1 says I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what He will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint.  Let that resonate, I will stand at my watch and look to see what He will say to me.  Oh, how I will trade the stresses of this life to stand watch, look to see what He will say and then be obedient.  Why is it after all God has done, I continue to think I know best, I can fix things, I can do it on my own.  I am so thankful my God is a merciful, loving, and patient Father.